"Hija" by Jinky Garrido 

As a young Filipina child in a typical filipino household, within a broken family of 10 
+ 2 absent parents 
and unknown grandparents 
except for 1 grandmother.

I always felt envious, I felt I had the lack of love and affection. 
I didn't know who or what to blame, my isolate character or my isolating family. 
At bed time I would be the sibling to be left in "the" room that nobody wants to sleep in; 
alone, 
in the dark, 
I lay silently, 
in fear that if a limb poked out of the surface of my bed, 
a creature of some kind of slimy sort would pull me towards itself, drag me into a mess
a mess full of screams and struggles and vigorous movements I would not be able to understand, but i'll do anyway
As "I'm only a child", I say. 

I was the Oliver Twist of all the Oliver Twists. 
Except I wouldn't be Oliver, I would be Anna, the girl who stayed silent.
I wake up with a circle around me, wet bottoms, yet my top is dry. 
I check with great hopes that the roof had leaked from the storm last night, but I'm deceived as I realize that my father, my STEP-father, 
had made sure that that roof was well protected with a durable seal. 

The night before, I had dreamt of my grandmother and I walking through the province forest, 
a guava tree to the left, a rambutan behind, a mango tree on the right, and a jackfruit tree at 4 o'clock. 
I rush to each and every one picking the lowest fruit that dangles before me. 

I, am exhausted. 
I rest by the river whilst laying on a rock with my left arm and left leg dangling loosely, 
swinging backwards, and forwards, and backwards again and again and again. 
My eyes begin to slowly shut and I enter my trance; 
where the river bed is visible through the most transparent swaying river, its current is no excuse for its exquisiteness. 
I felt humble being able to feel cold with nature's hug, 
so I rest my eyes as I'm a tired child with a sewage drain for an energy outlet. 
I rest my eyes as I am a bucket full and not a thimble full... of suppressed dreams and happiness. 
I rest my eyes as my tears collect in the bags beneath them. 

I shiver.
I shiver as the freezing wind from the white box above the table in front of my bed blows on me like I blow 20 times on my hot scoop of monggo soup. 
I am shivering because the cold wind doesn't appear to heat up with the laser control of the smaller white box. 
I shiver because the other 9 took all the blankets and I was left with a large sofa pillow for a blanket. 
My feet are cold from running through that river then laying beneath the white box without drying myself first. 

I call to my grandma whilst my eyes are kept shut. 
She doesn't answer.
As she still roams the province forest as a ghost I left behind 
As a young Filipina child in a typical filipino household, within a broken family of 10 
+ 2 absent parents and unknown grandparents 
except for 1 grandmother.

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